Seventeen Days
Counting down the days until everything changes…
Sadly, a lot of these newsletters are going to be about my journey before and after my laryngectomy, because it the most pressing thing in my mind these days. In less than 17 days they will remove my voice box and put a hole in my neck to breathe through. This is going to require three surgeries simultaneously: the removal of the voice box, a skin graft, and reconstructive surgery on my windpipe. This will include the construction of a stoma, a hole in my neck to breathe through.
Things will never be the same for me after this; i’ll legally be categorized as disabled, I won’t be able to talk, sing, or whistle, and for awhile I won’t be able to eat normally. And this doesn’t even include the complications related to the surgery that could happen: paralysis in the tongue, fingers, grafting site issues, trouble with infections, etc.
Watching videos or talking to people about this stuff doesn’t give me any comfort or hope. There are dark days ahead and I’m not sure if I’m up to the task at hand.
On the work front I have asked a bunch of people to stand in for me, and I’m hoping for the best but everything is really out of my hands for two to three weeks. We’ll see.
Anyway that’s where I am at with this stuff. The insurance should pay for most of the surgery (we did a lot of legwork to make that happen), so now we can focus on coming out of this rather long, dark tunnel. But at the end of the day the James Fudge who spent 56 years talking, and singing will be gone forever in 17 days.
until the next one - James.
stay strong James!!
So sorry to hear all of this James — impressed that you're still writing! Pulling for you through all of this. I know that even on the other side of this you'll still be sharp and funny and incisive, no matter what.