Taking Inventory: Another Health Update
Recovering has been a bit of a challenge, but I’m getting there.
It has been nearly a month and a half since my total laryngectomy surgery, and I’m certainly on the path to recovery, though some of the healing has been stymied by previous radiation treatment. During this recovery I’ve been taking stock of things. I know some will see this as me being negative and ungrateful for surviving cancer, but I’m a realist.
In no particular order I have lost the ability to:
Speak.
Sing.
Cough.
Smell some things.
Taste some things.
Breath through my mouth and nose.
Whistle.
Make a phone call through conventional means.
Don’t misread me in the moment; I’m grateful to be alive, but these last few months have been the worst time in my entire life and I don’t know what the future is going to be like when I do finally fully recover. I can’t do a lot of things I used to be able to do, and I am now limited in what I can and can’t do physically. We will see what happens, but I still have a ways to go before I am recovered and a functional human being again.
Of course, I’m trying to stay positive, but it’s tough to feel like you have any agency when you can’t even answer your own damn cell phone… The challenge now is to remain an entity in a world that requires communication.
Anyway, thanks for reading, as always.
Until next time. - James.
When I was a girl (many decades ago now), a good friend of my parents had lost his voice box due to cancer from second hand smoke. I never knew him with a voice. It took a while for me to get used to him, as he spoke by manipulating air through the hole in his neck.
But here’s the thing: after a time, I stopped noticing the difference of his speech, versus other people.
He was a really funny guy, always telling stories and jokes. One of his stories, I plagiarized (changed some names) and handed in to my 4th grade English teacher (don’t tell on me).
He also made wine, quite literally in his bathtub. My parents got a few bottles over the years. It wasn’t great, but it was bad either…not bad for a guy who couldn’t smell or taste.
I’m telling you all this because I know how dark things look right now. But you have no idea what sort of things coming that will make your future great. I know, you are going to do great things.
I can't imagine what you are going through, and maybe the words seem small but stay strong! I really hope the best for you!